Wednesday, 23 February 2011
For my beautiful boy Walter 15/6/05 - 08/2/2011
You arrived as we were selfishly searching for justification to re-plant our roots in Melbourne, quickly after you trained us often choose not to do things outside of our smaller world, the world where you were able to be part of, to be present in.
You will never comprehend the variety of sacrifices we made so that you were never left for more than a few hours on your own, but we don’t regret the lifestyle confinement because you made up for it. We miss you more than what we have missed out.
Every now and then your bite was worse than your bark. Despite this our love was unconditional, sometimes on your terms you would reciprocate. Mostly you had simple needs and were happy to just be wherever we were and to receive your daily doses of interaction. Now I can only hold on to those moments as golden what once seemed everyday routine.
Your body failed you in your prime, I’m sorry I couldn’t control things for you where outcomes can’t be of our choosing. I hope you understood then or will one day realise that we gave you the most care we could for your situation. Maybe near the end we compensated too much for your loss of function because we couldn’t unleash our grasp on hope and of giving you those small moments that used to cause your tail to wag your body, you always still had an appetite even though your body could no longer serve your will. I think you let us know when it was time, thank you, otherwise I don’t think we would have the strength to make the decision without your sign.
Your smile, your enthusiasm, you had real character, a personality that made it easy for me to give you so much of myself. Maybe sometimes we were imagining humanistic qualities in you, others might suggest so in their cynicism, but I don’t think so, to us, you deserved more than the label of ‘dog’, you were with us night and day for most of your life, your consciousness was real, and now no longer, except in our thoughts. Our thoughts which pierce us with pain and comfort us with gratitude for our time we once had.
You never led a self determined life, your Mum and Dad would always be active in doing things to narrow your choices, otherwise you would spend your whole day thinking you were top dog with your face in the food bowl (you know it!), but I think it was the right life for you even though you didn’t think you needed guidance. Now your absence leaves us paralysed by the cavernous void - a gaping hole which used to be our daily care for you as what was once an ingrained part of our lives.
I will remember your wonderment at the world where we spent many hours walked, when you ran free you always made sure I was there safely within the proximity of your anxiety. That’s alright, I was happy to act as your beacon, you were oblivious as I watched over you with a warm sense of reward to see you play, walk and express yourself.
Amongst the expanse of this world, I know that we, us three are insignificant specks in the passing of time, yet to each other our time together was the entirety. That’s what it feels like right now. We will never forget you, in time we hope that when you visit our thoughts we can do so without the ache that comes with loss.
Good night my boy, my sprightly shadow, you shone so bright. If there is another place then I would hope that we could all be together again.
Love Daddy and Mummy
I've heard this song many times over but it never held such depth or meaning for me until now...
For you my darling boy,
you rest now, thank you for the wonderful 5 1/2 years you've given us. You made up our perfect little world. Mummy and daddy is looking forward to the day where we will all be together again. Until then, you will be forever in our hearts and we miss you sorely.
Walter had a great Christmas and New Years with family and friends, showing little signs of symptoms, he ran and played as he always did. In late January and early February, despite his medication, he deteriorated very rapidly, barely able to walk a few paces and experienced daily seizures. In the early hours of Tuesday morning on the 8th of Feb, Walter experienced a very large seizure and it was then, in our hearts, we knew we had to let him go...
Walter 15/6/2005 ~ 8/2/2011 at approximately 11am.